Are Age-Based Rules on Family Vacations Fair?
Family vacations are meant to be a time of relaxation and bonding, but they can also be a breeding ground for disputes over rules and expectations. One recent AITA story brings up an intriguing debate about fairness, boundaries, and age-based rules during a multigenerational family trip.
The Situation: A Bathroom and Pool Divide
A 17-year-old girl is gearing up for a summer vacation with her extended family, including her aunt (33F), younger sister (15F), and grandparents. The villa they’re staying in will house the entire family, but the aunt has imposed rules:
- An “adults-only” bathroom that excludes the 17-year-old and her sister.
- Scheduled “adults-only” pool time, again excluding them.
The aunt defines “adults” as 21 and over, though the poster suspects that if she weren’t so close to 18, her aunt would’ve set the cutoff at 18.
Key Conflict: The 17-year-old feels these rules unfairly lump her with younger cousins (ages 4 and 6), ignoring her maturity and hygiene. She argues that family vacations should prioritize inclusion over strict divisions.
Age-Based Rules: Practical or Petty?
Age-based rules can make sense in certain contexts—like ensuring young children have supervision or adults have a space to unwind. However, the aunt’s blanket policy raises questions:
- Hygiene Argument: The aunt claims the rule is based on hygiene, but the 17-year-old notes she is meticulous about cleanliness and doesn’t even share a bathroom with her aunt regularly.
- Arbitrary Age Cutoff: Excluding a near-adult from “adult” spaces might feel dismissive, especially when she’s two months shy of 18.
Key Takeaway: Age can be a convenient way to set boundaries, but applying it rigidly can ignore individual maturity and create unnecessary conflict.
The Case for Inclusion on Family Trips
Family vacations are unique because they involve multiple generations with different needs and preferences. Striking a balance between personal boundaries and inclusivity is crucial. While adults may crave a break from supervising younger kids, excluding teens who don’t require oversight might create unnecessary friction.
Instead of dividing spaces based on age, families could consider:
- Shared Spaces, Shared Responsibilities: Allowing everyone access to communal areas with clear expectations for cleanliness and behavior.
- Time-Based Scheduling: Instead of excluding teens outright, consider rotating time slots for private use of spaces like the pool.
- Communication and Compromise: Engaging in open discussions to ensure everyone feels respected and valued.
Key Takeaway: Family vacations thrive on cooperation. Finding ways to include everyone while respecting boundaries fosters a sense of togetherness.
Emotional Underpinnings and Power Dynamics
The aunt’s insistence on enforcing these rules may stem from a desire for control or personal space. However, dismissing the teens’ perspectives could lead to resentment and undermine the family dynamic.
Key Takeaway: Effective communication, rather than rigid rule enforcement, can prevent small issues from escalating into major conflicts.
Final Verdict: Not the Ahole**
The 17-year-old’s frustration is understandable. She’s at an age where being treated like a child can feel patronizing, especially when she has shown responsibility and maturity.
While it’s important to respect personal boundaries, family vacations should emphasize inclusion and flexibility. By working together to create shared guidelines, this family could avoid unnecessary tension and make their trip memorable for all the right reasons.
