AITA for telling my dad there will be no making up for missing my high school graduation?
Summary:
A young man (18M) is about to graduate from high school and is upset that his father (who remarried when he was 11 or 12) won’t attend his graduation because his stepdaughter (14F) has a competing event on the same day. The father explained that he needed to prioritize his stepdaughter, whom he has raised as his own, and would “make it up” to his son later. This isn’t the first time the father has prioritized his stepdaughter over his biological son, having skipped his games and taken money from the son’s birthday fund to buy gifts for the stepdaughter.
The son expressed his frustration by telling his dad that there is no making up for missing his graduation and that he would no longer be part of his life. The father begged him to be reasonable, but the son walked away. When the wife told him he could support the stepdaughter instead of attending the ceremony, he refused and stated that the girl wasn’t his sister. His wife called him selfish for denying her daughter a father. The young man is wondering if he’s in the wrong for his actions.
👇 Read the original story below for all the details! 👇
AITA for telling my dad there will be no making up for missing my high school graduation?
Not the A-hole
I’m (18m) graduating high school at the end of this month. My dad dropped the bomb on me two nights ago that his stepdaughter (14f) has an award ceremony for some competition she entered and won in another state on that same day and that she really wants him to be there. He told me he couldn’t possibly make it to both and since his wife and their children together will be going, he needs to be there too. He told me he would make it up to me and we could celebrate another time.
I still live with him (not for much longer). My mom died when I was 7 and my dad got married again when I was 11 or 12. It’s been a few years anyway. His stepdaughter never knew her bio dad, so my dad has accepted her as his own. And he has prioritized her a lot in the last 5/6 years. It doesn’t always show in the most obvious ways but it can be felt. Father/son time was put on an indefinite hiatus and instead dad told me we needed to include her in our time together but he also spent time with just her for father/daughter time. I brought it up to my dad and he told me I wasn’t exactly making an effort to be closer to her so he wanted us all to bond and didn’t want me to just focus on my relationship with him.
He has attended her dance things instead of my basketball games if they’re on at the same time. It doesn’t matter if mine was known about first, he will still skip my stuff to go to hers.
He will take us on family days and whenever he and his wife say “kids can choose” he picks her choices over mine. He claims it’s because they will be the most fun for everyone but really, he even says it afterward, anything his little princess wants.
Our refrigerator and our shower broke at the same time. His stepdaughter’s birthday was coming up so he took money from my birthday fund to pay for that stuff and so his stepdaughter would definitely get what she wanted (this barbie house thing and a whole fashion set and they were I think dad said $250). He didn’t get all the money back by the time my birthday came around so instead he bought me a $30 gift card for Steam when he had promised me a new monitor and keyboard for my computer (that was a gift from my grandparents).
When my dad told me he wouldn’t be at my graduation to go and support her, I told him there is no making up for that and he can forget about being included in my life going forward. He told me he would make it up to me and I told him I will always come second to his little princess and I’m not going to be okay with that. I told him he’s discarded me for the last time. Dad begged me to be reasonable but I walked away. Then I invited both sets of grandparents who agreed to come. His wife told me I could have come with them and I don’t need to attend the ceremony but could support “my sister”. I said her daughter’s not my sister and I do not want to support their family anymore and I will be out of their hair soon. She called me selfish and told me I can’t deny her daughter a dad.
AITA?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA
Graduating HS is a big milestone.
It’s creditable your Dad wants to be there for his stepdaughter.
He needs to maintain balance though & I feel he should have made time for a once in a lifetime thing for you.
I hope you still enjoy your day & many congratulations!
Edit spelling
FloppyEaredDog
Wow what a horrible way to keep showing you you don’t matter to them.
Totally NTA. And congrats on the freedom that awaits you.
I’m impressed by your clarity of thinking took me much longer to get that level of understanding.
If not done already get your plans started or refined further. The shame they are hiding may cause some additional grief and manipulation.
You got this, good luck. Life is very sweet without constant disappointment
umenu
Massive NTA. Besides the fact that that’s his step daughter, highschool graduation trumps essentially all childhood activities in priority of attendance by parents.
Snow-13
NTA Your father’s wife felt your best option was to miss your own graduation to support her child. That’s the way to make you feel included in a family. (this is sarcasm by the way)
Two children, two events, two parents- that is one parent per event. There may be a reason for your Dad to go to other event if say wife scared to drive. But then she should be supporting you if ahead bothered to build that relationship.
You’re right. Your Dad has too much to make up for and no history of doing it.
Edit: Ask your Dad’s wife why it is OK to deny you any parent at all so her daughter can have two.
bright_copperkettles
I hope you pointed out to your father that while trying to make up for his step daughter having a loser father that he has indeed become a loser to his own child, how ironic. NTA
Dotty_Ford
Oh my God! What the heck? You should skip your graduation?? What? Really? No. I would cut these toxic people out. You are obviously the afterthought. They don’t consider your feelings, but they demand that you make concessions and sacrifices for the golden child of the family. No. The moment they treated you like that, you should have went to live with your grandparents. Do they see this? What do they think?
Neither-Copy785
NTA “Can’t deny her daughter a dad” what about you? You lost your dad too…
whorlando_bloom
The Strain of Favoritism in Blended Families: When Do You Set Boundaries?
Navigating family dynamics in blended families can be an incredibly delicate and emotional experience. This story highlights a young man’s deep sense of hurt and betrayal, feeling sidelined by his father’s continued prioritization of his stepdaughter. The young man has been patient with the situation for years but has reached a breaking point when his father chose not to attend his high school graduation in favor of his stepdaughter’s competition. Let’s take a closer look at the complexities of favoritism and setting boundaries in a blended family.
1. The Struggle with Favoritism
Favoritism is one of the most painful issues in any family, but it’s especially complicated in blended families where loyalty and connections to biological children can sometimes be blurred. The son in this case feels like his father has consistently favored his stepdaughter over him, whether it was in family decisions, financial matters, or special occasions like birthdays and sporting events. When the father chooses to attend his stepdaughter’s award ceremony over the son’s high school graduation, it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It’s not just about the event; it’s about a years-long pattern of feeling undervalued and overlooked.
2. Setting Boundaries in the Face of Favoritism
The young man’s decision to walk away from his father’s emotional appeal is a form of setting boundaries. It’s clear that the young man is no longer willing to tolerate the sense of being second-best to his father’s stepdaughter. Boundaries are an important part of self-respect and emotional well-being, especially when it comes to family dynamics that are rooted in unfair treatment. By walking away and refusing to attend the ceremony, the son is asserting that he will no longer be passive in accepting his father’s actions, even if it means severing ties for the time being.
3. The Emotional Impact of Feeling Replaced
For the son, it seems that the emotional weight of his father’s actions has built up over time. Feeling like your parent is more invested in their stepchild can create lasting damage to the relationship. The father’s choices—like taking money from the son’s birthday fund to provide for his stepdaughter and attending her events instead of his own son’s—communicate a message that the son’s needs and desires are secondary. For many children in blended families, this feeling of being replaced or overlooked can be extremely painful, and it’s not uncommon for the child to lash out or withdraw as a result.
4. The Role of Communication in Blended Families
Communication is key to resolving issues in any family, but especially in blended families. This situation could have been an opportunity for the father to have an honest conversation with his son about the importance of his stepdaughter’s achievements and to acknowledge the pain that his repeated prioritization has caused. Instead, the father’s attempt to “make up” for missing the graduation with empty promises only deepened the rift. Without clear communication and emotional validation, it’s hard for any family dynamic to improve.
5. The Importance of Emotional Validation
The wife’s insistence that the young man should support his stepdaughter and “just let it go” minimizes his pain and emotional needs. In situations like this, it’s essential for family members to validate each other’s feelings. The father’s response that he would “make it up” to his son is insufficient when the son has been feeling unimportant and neglected for years. Emotional validation—acknowledging the hurt, frustration, and sadness that come with feeling second-place—is a crucial step in healing family relationships. Unfortunately, this validation has been lacking in the son’s relationship with his father.
6. Conclusion: The Importance of Prioritizing Your Own Well-being
Ultimately, the young man’s actions reflect a deep sense of self-preservation. His decision to draw a hard line about his father’s behavior is rooted in the need to protect his emotional health. He recognizes that allowing his father’s neglect to continue would only cause more harm. Sometimes, stepping away from toxic family dynamics is the healthiest choice, even if it’s painful in the short term. The key takeaway is that boundaries are vital for personal well-being, and it’s okay to prioritize one’s own emotional health over the expectations and behaviors of others, even family members.
