AITA for telling my grandma’s sister she should stop caring about our family and take a look at her daughters?
Summary:
A 17-year-old (17M) living with his family, including his grandmother (79F), noticed that his grandmother had been growing tired from doing chores for the family, so he started helping her after school. During a family gathering, his grandmother’s sister (83F) criticized his immediate family, saying that his grandmother should leave them and live with her daughters, whom she claimed were better raised. In response, the teenager defended his family, calling out the sister’s poor parenting of her daughters, who had faced issues like multiple divorces and unemployment.
The teenager’s father (50M) supported him after the incident, while his mother (49F) thought he should have handled it differently. The teenager feels justified in defending his family but is seeking validation for his actions.
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AITA for telling my grandma’s sister she should stop caring about our family and take a look at her daughters?
I (17M) live with my mum (49f) my dad (50m) my grandma (79f) and little sis (14f). Since my mum and dad work all day grandma has decided to do the chores while me and my sis are at school. This has been going on for years. Last couple of months I’ve noticed she’s getting a bit tired so I finish chores after school so she can sleep a bit. That fatigue is often shown in various arguments with my mum. Grandma often takes advice from her sister (83F) who has 2 daughters let’s call them Jenny (53f) and Megan (46f) which tells her to dump as and leave for the village to live with her and her daughters. My dad always says that grandma’s sister and her daughters are the worst part of our family tree and honestly I agree they are spoiled and really bad people that have done some immoral things to other members of their family. During a family table my grandma moaned a bit about having to cook all alone when mum had her day off and was sleeping until noon.
Then her sister said “I told you to leave those ungrateful bastards they don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them unilke my daughters who are an example of children raised right” in this moment I couldn’t hold my anger I stood up looked her dead in the eye and told her “Are you really saying this? For your information we are all grateful of her presence not only because she does the chores but because she grew up my mum, me and my sibling with values and morals unlike you and your daughters. Have you wondered why Jenny got divorced twice or why Megan cant even find a job. You didn’t do as good of a job as you think raising your daughters. You have no right to call us like that in our house in our table”. Dad told me to go to my room so i left. I overheard my grandma’s sister saying I wasn’t raised right but my parents defended me. After she left dad said I was right and apologized for not interrupting earlier while mum said I shouldn’t have done this. I do think i did the right thing defending my family and putting her in her place. What do yall think?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
No but you a asshole having a 79 yrold doing chores , let her rest and you and the rest of your family need to pick up the slack, she’s grandma not maid
FloppyEaredDog
NTA
Good on your for speaking up. They are deflecting their faults by addressing the faults of others.
Kudos for helping out around the house. I hope everyone else pitches in too.
The nanosecond your grandma goes to live with her sister, she’ll turn into their housemaid.
umenu
NTA. You should defend your family. Your great aunt sounds like she just likes to complain.
Snow-13
Yall think I force my grandma into housekeeping when she’s the one that offered to do so when dad got a second job and could be home to cook when me and my sis come back from school
bright_copperkettles
There’s nothing wrong with your grandmother keeping busy with doing chores, cooking, whatnot around your house. Keeping busy helps keep her young.
But it sounds as if she’s finding all of these chores becoming too much for her. It’s a positive thing that you are trying to lessen the burden of her chores, but it sounds that the rest of your family needs to be involved. Talk to your sister & parents about this & see if they can’t take back some of the chores out of respect & love to your grandma.
But as for your aunt & cousins? They are definitely T A: as another commentator said, at best they’re stirring up trouble; at worst, they want a slave for their house.
Dotty_Ford
YTA. Sorry, but how is your family any better than them? Your grandma is pleading for a break, and your parents are making her do their work. I think you are deluding yourself that your family is better than theirs
Neither-Copy785
YTA. OP and his family, too.
Grandmother is showing very clear signs that doing practically all the chores of a 5 person household is way too much for her.
During a family table my grandma moaned a bit about having to cook all alone when mum had her day off and was sleeping until noon.
I mean she doesn’t even get help when OP’s mother is not working!
Then her sister said “I told you to leave those ungrateful bastards they don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them unilke my daughters who are an example of children raised right”
I suspect they are doing the household chores or at least most of them and don’t let their 83 year old mother do it practically all alone. That is what the sister most likely meant. She is standing up for her little sister here and I totally understand why!
whorlando_bloom
The Importance of Standing Up for Your Family: Healthy Boundaries and Communication
Family dynamics can be complicated, especially when it comes to dealing with criticism or hurtful comments from extended family members. Here’s how to approach situations where you need to defend your loved ones while maintaining respect and healthy boundaries:
1. Speak Up With Respect
It’s important to stand up for your family when they are unfairly criticized, but it’s equally crucial to do so in a respectful manner. The teenager in this situation made a valid point in defending his family but could have approached the conversation with more calmness to avoid escalating the situation. Speaking respectfully while still standing firm in your beliefs ensures the message is heard without causing unnecessary conflict.
2. Know When to Draw the Line
Sometimes, family members overstep their bounds by making hurtful or untrue comments. When this happens, it’s essential to set clear boundaries. In this case, the teenager felt it was necessary to defend his grandmother’s work and the family’s values. However, recognizing when someone is intentionally provoking or criticizing for no constructive reason is key to knowing when to assert your boundaries and protect your loved ones.
3. Handle Family Disputes Privately
While standing up for your family is important, addressing private matters—especially criticisms about other family members—should ideally be done in private, away from the dinner table or public setting. This can help avoid unnecessary tension and ensure that everyone feels heard without the added pressure of a public confrontation.
4. Recognize Different Family Perspectives
Everyone in the family may have different ways of handling disputes or difficult situations. While the teenager’s father supported him, his mother suggested a more measured approach. Understanding that others may have different communication styles or levels of comfort with confrontation can help foster understanding within the family.
5. Forgive, but Don’t Forget
Family is often the support system we rely on, but that doesn’t mean they are always right or immune from criticism. While the teenager may have felt justified, it’s important to remember that forgiveness and understanding should also be part of family dynamics. Taking a moment to reflect on the situation afterward can help ensure that future interactions are more thoughtful and compassionate.
Conclusion
Defending your family is an instinctual and noble act, especially when they are unfairly criticized. However, balancing assertiveness with respect, knowing when to set boundaries, and understanding different perspectives can help navigate family conflicts more effectively and constructively.
