AITAH for refusing to Let My Disabled Partner in a Baking Class use her condition to unfairly use me and gain Favours from the Chef.
Summary:
A young man (19M) enrolled in a baking class found himself paired with Tanya (23F), a partner in a wheelchair, after a random raffle. Initially optimistic, he quickly realized that Tanya’s approach to their teamwork was problematic. She insisted on taking on critical tasks but frequently made mistakes, leading to subpar results. Tanya often used her disability to excuse her performance, claiming fatigue or pressure to prove herself.
Despite the man’s attempts to collaborate more effectively, Tanya’s refusal to adjust her approach left him doing cleanup instead of learning valuable skills in the expensive course. The chef, who observed their struggles, praised Tanya for her efforts without addressing the underlying issues.
Frustrated, the man requested to work independently, citing the impact on his education. While the chef initially resisted, he eventually allowed the switch. Tanya and some classmates accused him of discrimination, although a few supported his decision.
👇 Read the original story below for all the details! 👇
AITAH for refusing to Let My Disabled Partner in a Baking Class use her condition to unfairly use me and gain Favours from the Chef.
I (19M) recently signed up for a baking class somewhere last month and the first order of business for the head chef was to group all of us into twos. No one knew the other, so it wasn’t easy for people to choose partners, so the chef did a ticket raffle with everyone’s name, and I ended up with Tanya(23F) as my partner.
Tanya has a disability as she is unable to walk due to some complications and she is on a wheelchair. I didn’t have no issue looking forward to working with her and she seemed cool at first. The first few days we just theoretical, nothing much going on; hence I couldn’t get to see more of what Tanya was as a course partner.
So now we begin on one of our first practical classes (each class is about 5hrs) so you know we are together for quite a bit of time. We are given instructions as a whole class and the set out as a group to respective stations, where work begins such as mixing ingredients and stuff. Tanya always insisted to do divide the work so as to finish faster. She usually took the critical preparations of whatever we were preparing and she mostly messed it up, meaning our final product was way below the needed standards. She would use her disability in a subtle manner to excuse her messing up the products saying how it could be tiring to mix stuff in the position she is in, and I should just try to bear with it.
So now we are always producing very shit bakes because she refuses to let me have a hand getting the ingredients together saying she doesn’t want to seem like she can’t keep up with the class and has something to prove. Out of everyone now I’m the only one who isn’t actually gaining any skills comparing to how expensive the course is because all I’m essentially doing is cleaning up after her disastrous work and wiping surfaces.
The funny thing is our station is just next to where the chef is, and he sees all these shenanigans while doing absolutely nothing. All he does is tell her how she is doing so great (for her “situation” but she doesn’t understand) and this made her delusional on the quality of her work and made her insist on taking up more tasks.
I got fed up because I wasn’t learning anything, and significant time was passing by and i wasn’t there to waste money. I spoke to the chef about the situation asking about a separation and he said it would be wrong to do that just because of her disability and it wasn’t right to do so. Well, I still insisted despite him Ignoring the main issue, he gave in to my request and now I participate in the class as an individual.
Tanya made it seem like I left her alone since she is disabled, and my fellow classmates now look at me like some devil with other coming up to me telling me my morals aren’t right. Only a few agreed with my decision.
AITAH?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
As you describe things… NTA. I think its a fairly common shared experience to be paired with someone in a class (baking or otherwise) who, for reasons, ends up screwing up your project, prevents you from learning and otherwise fucking up your experience. As you paid money, and weren’t getting any benefit from the class, doesn’t feel like you’re an asshole.
Without knowing your ex-class partners exact circumstances, I don’t have much judgement for her. I would add tho that disabled people, as they are humans, can be assholes too.
FloppyEaredDog
NTA. You’re not there to babysit anyone or let your skills and experience take a back seat just because your partner refuses to share the workload properly. Tanya’s disability isn’t the issue—it’s her attitude and the fact that she’s using it to avoid accountability while expecting you to pick up the slack. That’s not teamwork.
You tried to make it work, and even spoke to the chef first, so it’s not like you jumped ship without trying. At the end of the day, you’re paying for this course to learn, not to watch someone else mess up the basics while the chef turns a blind eye
umenu
NTA
You PAID to learn skills. Chef is getting PAID to do their job of teaching you. That’s what you’re there to do, to learn. The chef should take her as their partner to accommodate both her and you.
Snow-13
So, she says this:
saying how it could be tiring to mix stuff in the position she is in, and I should just try to bear with it.
But also this:
she doesn’t want to seem like she can’t keep up with the class
It’s one or the other, here. Either this is too tiring, and she’s struggling and needs to ask for more time, more assistance, etc. OR she is fine and can keep up. I’m not saying that her disability doesn’t play a part here, but it’s her attitude on the matter that really makes this hard. She’s not letting you “help” but is forgetting that you’re there to learn just as much as she is.
It sounds like she’s using this as a chance to prove she can do something, and that’s fine – but it’s coming at the expense of another person who is also there to learn. I’d have a talk with her and tell her that either she lets you participate just as much as any other team/couple, or you will continue to be on your own for as much as she isn’t letting you participate. Move it away from “Helping her” and into “participating in a class you also paid for.”
NTA
bright_copperkettles
NTA, and if it continued to be an issue, I’d straight up demand a refund.
All notions of politeness and “going along to get along” go right the fuck out the window the instant my wallet is involved in the conversation.
And if anyone else in the class gave me shit, the INSTANT response should be a suggestion to switch partners, and anyone who hesitates for even a moment should be accused of bigotry before they can take a breath. “oh, you don’t want to partner with disabled person? That’s pretty bigoted and narrow minded of you, isn’t it?”
I’m sure that sounds ridiculous and hyperbolic, but it’s the only way to deal with these kinds of people in the real world. They’ll watch you suffer through something and then suggest that you’re a bad person for not doing it with a smile on your face, and if they actually felt that way, they’d agree to go through it themselves without a moments thought.
Dotty_Ford
NTA. Considering it’s $$$$, your reaction is considerably overdue. After a couple of sessions, this should have been discussed. If the Chef wants to make accommodations, he could have done a rotation.
Neither-Copy785
Reasonable accommodations are provided by classrooms and workplaces to people who need them. Other students are not accommodations to be handed out.
whorlando_bloom
Our Recommendation for Building Healthy Relationships in Collaborative Environments
When working closely with others, whether in a class, workplace, or personal setting, challenges can arise that test our patience and communication skills. Developing effective strategies for teamwork can make these experiences rewarding for everyone involved. Here are some tips to build strong, positive relationships in collaborative environments:
1. Set Clear Expectations Early
Clear communication is essential in any partnership. From the outset, discuss roles, responsibilities, and shared goals. In situations like the baking class, establishing mutual understanding about task-sharing can prevent misunderstandings later.
2. Embrace Empathy Without Enabling
Empathy is a powerful tool for understanding a partner’s challenges. However, it’s also important to maintain balance. Supporting someone doesn’t mean compromising your own growth or goals. For instance, finding ways to offer help while encouraging mutual effort can lead to more effective collaboration.
3. Communicate Concerns Constructively
If problems arise, address them calmly and directly. Use “I” statements to express how the situation affects you, such as: “I feel like I’m not learning as much as I could because I spend a lot of time on cleanup.” This approach can encourage open dialogue without sounding accusatory.
4. Seek Mediation When Necessary
If direct communication doesn’t resolve the issue, involve a neutral third party. In this case, the student sought the chef’s intervention to highlight the problem and propose a solution. Finding someone who can provide an objective perspective can help diffuse tensions.
5. Focus on Personal Growth
Collaboration is about shared growth, but individual progress matters too. If a partnership significantly hinders your development, it’s okay to advocate for yourself, as long as it’s done respectfully.
Conclusion
Healthy relationships in collaborative environments require empathy, communication, and mutual respect. By addressing challenges constructively and maintaining focus on shared goals, individuals can foster positive experiences and achieve meaningful outcomes together.
