AITA for telling my neighbor to grow up, get a life, and get the f***k over the fact that I painted my house a color he doesn’t like?
Summary:
The OP (homeowner) painted her house in a colorful palette to reflect her personality, choosing a neighborhood without an HOA for the freedom to make such decisions. Her neighbor, Paul, has consistently complained about her home’s aesthetic and other personal touches, like her lawn and painted pavers. Despite several polite responses, Paul continued to express his disapproval, leading OP to firmly tell him to “grow up, get a life, and get the f*** over it.” Another neighbor suggested OP be more accommodating due to Paul’s long-standing presence in the neighborhood.
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AITA for telling my neighbor to grow up, get a life, and get the f***k over the fact that I painted my house a color he doesn’t like?
I bought a house in a community without an HOA I wanted my home to be MY home, and that includes making it look the way that I want. I also chose a neighborhood that already has fun, colorful houses instead of just plain earth tones.
I finally got to the point where I could repaint my house. I picked a soft peachy color with sage, blue, and soft and dark pink accents. Fun and colorful without being too out there. I think if you google “coolors blue sage peach” you’ll see a similar palette.
My neighbor Paul f**g hates it and has been complaining since we started the project. He also made his opinion known that he hates our front lawn (lots of wildflowers and sunflowers, fun garden flags, a Little Free Library, etc).
Each and every time, I’ve told him that I don’t care. Truly, I don’t. And I’ve suggested a few times that maybe he’d be happier in a HOA community that has control over everything and forces people into having earth toned homes. Paul got angry when I suggested that and said he’s lived in his home for 15 years and shouldn’t have to move. I told him okay, well you’ll have to learn to live with a little color.
Last weekend I was putting in pavers that my niece and I had painted together. They’re all things like ladybugs, turtles, birds, etc in fun colors. I adore them and my niece is so excited she gets to be a part of my home. Paul came over to complain yet again, saying it was all an “eyesore” and my niece was here, so I just told him “It’s time for you to grow up and get the f****k over what I’m doing with my house.”
He got even pissier and told me that I have no right to talk to him this way, do I know who I’m talking to, etc.
I told him to just go away and get a fg life. If he has so much free time to b**h and moan about a colorful house, maybe he should get a hobby.
He stormed off, calling me a nasty piece of work. My niece was cracking up on the side. For the record, no one in my family is uptight, we really don’t care about cursing. I know some people still clutch their pearls over it around kids (she’s 15) but I’m sure she says worse.
Anyway one of the other neighbors came to tell me that he’s been flapping his yap about how disrespectful I am to talk to him like that. She told me that she knows he’s a pain, but that he has been in the neighborhood forever and it’s worth being nice to him. I don’t know. Is telling him to get a life that big of a deal? AITA?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA. The house’s color scheme sounds gorgeous – something we’d have here in our Inman Park neighborhood. My guess is your neighbor is more upset about the kitchy items in your front yard than the color of your house. Maybe you need some pink flamingoes. 🥰
Reddit user
Next time he comes by with a complaint: “Hi Paul, I put some serious thought into your criticisms over my house. I think we could come to an agreement where if you start to pay my mortgage and my bills, then I will happily adjust the aesthetic of my home to your liking. We could start Aug 1? Does that work for you? Otherwise, as the person paying the bills here, I’m going to continue doing whatever I want with my property, and will ask you to not approach me or my property again for this matter.”
Reddit user
NTA, some people just don’t understand when you try to be polite with them, so it is not your fault that you told them to f-off, it is their fault. I bet other people would just fall down on their knees and praise this neighbor and do whatever he wants, yeah right.
I always am very polite, but if other people do not understand or don’t want to understand I become very rude, this saves me a lot of time in future because these people know what I will tell them and they don’t even try to pull more crap on me as it just doesn’t work.
Reddit user
NTA
He comes harassing you and you need to be nice? Riddle me that one? If the neighbor who is suggesting you be nice has ANY suggestions on how to keep this blowhard out of you face/property, that would be more helpful then “kids its both your fault” advice. It may take two to fight, but he is the only one creating the situation. You can’t walk away, it’s your house, so he is actively seeking conflict BUT is offended that he is called out. You do you and you are NTA!
Reddit user
’m kinda blown away by the idea that he’s “lived here forever” if it’s really only 15 years. A lot of my neighbors have been in their places for 40+ years! We’re still some of the newer people in the area almost a decade later!
Reddit user
NTA
There was a reddit post where the OP painted it yellow and as soon as she went out of town, her neighbors contacted a company to paint it neutral. Huge drama happens after, police called, etc.
So maybe put up some cameras, haha.
He sounds like he is a grumpy old man and does need a life.
If he was my neighbor, I’d “kill him with kindness” as my mamma used to say. It is better to have neighbors who look out for each other than scheme against each other
Reddit user
NTA. Just because he’s “Been in the neighborhood forever” doesn’t give him any rights. It’s not a seniority system. If he doesn’t like he is cordially invited to pound salt up a hole. Get a camera, because this IS the kind of cat that will vandalize your yard.
Reddit user
NTA. Your neighbor is deluded to think his opinion matters. It’s your house, and your right to decorate as you choose. And isn’t it great to not have some HOA dictating to you?
Tell him his unsolicited criticism is inspiring you to consider fluorescent orange and bright red for your next color scheme.
Reddit user
NTA
“If he has so much free time to b***h and moan about a colorful house, maybe he should get a hobby”
Exactly.
His other choices are to live with your house colors or move. It sounds like he’d fit right into a HOA neighborhood.
Reddit user
The Right to Express Yourself: Why Your Home Should Be Your Canvas
A person’s home is their sanctuary—a space that reflects their personality, values, and creativity. For OP, this meant transforming her house into a colorful, welcoming abode, complete with a vibrant palette, wildflowers, and unique decorations. However, this journey to self-expression sparked conflict with a neighbor who preferred a more subdued aesthetic.
1. Personal Freedom vs. Public Opinion
OP’s choice to purchase a home in a non-HOA neighborhood was deliberate. She sought the freedom to customize her property without the constraints of uniformity. This autonomy is a key draw for many homeowners who wish to escape the rigid rules often found in HOA communities.
Paul’s repeated complaints highlight a common tension in neighborhoods: personal freedom clashing with individual preferences. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, attempting to impose those preferences on others crosses a boundary.
2. The Power of Color and Individuality
The choice of colors—soft peach, sage, and blue with pink accents—is hardly outrageous. In fact, these hues evoke warmth and charm, reflecting OP’s desire to create a lively yet tasteful environment.
Beyond aesthetics, OP’s painted pavers, created with her niece, add sentimental value and foster connection. These personal touches demonstrate the importance of a home as a living canvas, celebrating individuality and relationships.
3. Handling Criticism and Boundaries
OP initially handled Paul’s complaints with politeness, even suggesting he consider an HOA community that aligns with his preferences. However, Paul’s continued attempts to police her property pushed her to respond more assertively.
Telling someone to “get a life” and “grow up” may not be the most diplomatic approach, but given Paul’s repeated intrusions, it was a justified expression of frustration. Setting boundaries is essential, especially when someone disregards polite attempts to resolve a conflict.
4. The Myth of “Longevity Equals Authority”
The other neighbor’s suggestion that Paul deserves deference because of his long-standing presence in the community reflects an outdated notion. Longevity in a neighborhood does not grant someone the right to control how others live. Respect is earned through mutual understanding, not by default due to years of residency.
Paul’s unwillingness to adapt to a colorful, evolving neighborhood suggests he may be better suited to a community with stricter guidelines that align with his preferences.
5. Lessons in Neighborhood Harmony
OP’s experience underscores the importance of respecting neighbors’ choices, especially in non-HOA neighborhoods. While constructive discussions can foster understanding, repeated criticism and attempts to control others’ decisions only create conflict.
For Paul, the lesson is clear: adapting to change and embracing diversity in a community are vital for harmony. For OP, this situation reaffirms the importance of setting boundaries and standing firm in the face of unreasonable demands.
Conclusion
OP is not the a-hole for standing up to her neighbor’s relentless complaints. Her home is an expression of her personality and values, and her choice to live in a non-HOA neighborhood reinforces her right to decorate as she pleases.
While her words may have been blunt, they were a necessary response to repeated boundary violations. As for Paul, it’s time for him to take his own advice: grow up, let go, and learn to appreciate the beauty of individuality.
