AITA for threatening to sue both the school and the family of my daughter’s bully?
Summary:
A father (30M) and his husband (33M) faced an escalating situation of bullying involving their adopted 11-year-old daughter. The bullying began with name-calling but worsened over time, targeting her adoption story. Bullies made cruel remarks, such as claiming her birth mother didn’t want her, and recently cut two inches off her ponytail during class while taunting her.
Despite repeatedly contacting the school through emails, calls, and in-person visits, the fathers only received vague promises of action, with no meaningful changes. The bullying severely impacted their daughter’s mental health, causing anxiety, sleep struggles, and reluctance to attend school.
Out of desperation, they sought legal counsel to sue both the school and the bully’s family. This prompted the school to finally take action, moving the bully to a different class and assuring that the issue would be addressed. The bully’s parents also promised to speak to their daughter. However, the fathers remain skeptical, feeling the responses are performative and motivated by fear of legal consequences rather than genuine concern.
Family members advised giving the school and parents a chance, but the father remains committed to pursuing legal action to ensure his daughter’s safety and well-being.
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AITA for threatening to sue both the school and the family of my daughter’s bully?
I 30m and my Husband 33m have a 11-year-old daughter who’s been going through severe bullying at school.
It’s just keep getting worse. It started of with just name calling but has gotten worse over the past few weeks. Context: She’s adopted, which is something we’ve always been open about and celebrated as part of her story. Recently, some kids found out about her adoption and started saying horrible things – telling her stuff like her birth mother didn’t want her. They tell her that she’s unwanted tell her she a reject. ( which is not the case her mother loved her very much to the point she literally gave her life so she could be here)
If this wasn’t bad enough
A few days ago, she came home in tears with her hair butchered they’d cut off 2 inch of her ponytail well in class all while taunting her names and laughing at her reaction. They will follow her through the halls to make fun of her on a regular basis now.
Both my husband and I have been in touch with the school about the bullying more times than I can count. I emailed, called, even showed up in person to speak with teachers and the principal, but all I got were empty promises that they’d “look into it.” Nothing changed, and my daughter’s mental health has taken a hit she’s anxious, struggling to sleep, and now begs us not to send her to school.
Finally, out of frustration and feeling like no one was taking this seriously, we reached out to a lawyer to explore legal action against both the school and the bully’s family. Only when the school and her parents learned we were considering a legal action did they start to act. Suddenly, the school calls me to say they’re moving the bully out of my daughter’s class and claim they “had a talk” with her. The girl’s parents reached out too, saying they’d “talk to their daughter” and promised it would stop.
But honestly, I don’t believe them. It feels like they’re all saying this just to get me to back off and avoid the legal consequences. I worry that once the dust settles, things will go right back to how they were, and my daughter will still be dealing with this. My family thinks I should give the school and parents a chance now that they’re finally taking action, but I feel like it’s all for show.
So, AITA for moving forward with legal action even though the school and the bully’s parents now claim they’re handling it?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA one of my asshole classmates to me and everyone else I was adopted when I was in 6th grade. My parents were waiting to tell us when we were both old enough to understand. My brother wasn’t quite old enough yet. For me it was a light bulb moment: that’s why there’s no picture of mom pregnant. For a group of kids at school it was a reason to bully me. I heard the same things your daughter did and it didn’t bother me. It was how relentless it was. I developed anxiety and stomach issues due to the bullying. One day a good portion of everyone in the cafeteria was laughing at me because of what one of the man bullies said. I didn’t want to go to school. I got sick after lunch nearly every day and had to go home. I had all kinds of doctors appointments to try to find out what was wrong with me medically that was causing the stomach issues. The school even tried to say my problem was I was upset about being adopted and was making myself sick. No amount of anything my parents did helped. It only got better after the school year ended and we were all in different classes.
Reddit user
Yeah sorry. “Bullying” with name calling is one thing. Physical abuse to a child by cutting her hair DURING CLASS is completely different. Why didn’t the teacher do anything? Why did the teacher allow scissors in class? Why was the bully not sent to the principal immediately? Why weren’t you notified immediately? Why did your baby have to come home with fucked up hair (basically a signature of abuse) for you to find out about it? I’d be suing the school AND that teacher directly for neglect as well as the kids family for abuse. NTA, dad, protect your kid.
Maybe also consider formally pulling her from school, and going to your district with a letter officially stating that the school’s absolutely asinine job of handling an ABUSE (not bullying anymore. They could have stopped it at bullying but let it grow to physical abuse) case is the sole reason why. What happened to all that “zero tolerance for bullying” shit that we had when I was in school??
Edit: misnamed OP. Corrected. Thanks!
Reddit user
Teacher here.
DO. NOT. BACK. DOWN.
I can promise you that this family is a bunch of bullies (at their jobs, with people in general) and they’ve been getting away with it forever. This is a lesson their child MUST learn now.
I can also promise you that if your child defended herself in any way that caused the bully shame or harm your child would have been punished severally by the school and the bullies parents would not back down.
NTA – is changing schools an option?
Edit: THANKS FOR THE AWARDS!!
Reddit user
They ASSAULTED your daughter.
The school and the bully’s parents had ample opportunity to deal with this issue, BEFORE YOUR DAUGHTER WAS ASSAULTED. Their pitiful attempts to rectify their sheer lack of discipline is, quite frankly, too little, too late.
Your poor daughter has suffered, not only at the hands of her bully, but her teachers, who should not be allowing bullying of any form in their school. They did nothing until legal action was taken against them, along with the bully.
When your child is at school, supposedly under the care and protection of the teachers, you expect them to do their job, and not ignore escalating bullying, because it’s too much trouble.
Hold them all accountable.
Give your daughter a great big hug
Reddit user
NTA. As a lawyer, I say sue, sue, sue. Get a settlement agreement that contains a plan of action to address bullying in the future. Sue them all. I would also file a police report. Cutting her hair was assault. Big fat F to all of them. Protect your child.
Reddit user
NTA. Keep advocating for your child. And follow through with the lawyer. School administrators can be awful about this. If it’s a public school, go to the school board meetings and speak during public comment so it’s on record. Name the teachers and administrators involved. If there’s any social media presence, state it there, too. If you have a community newspaper, email a reporter. I’ve found that when they ignore one case of bullying, it’s usually not an isolated incident. Be in their face. Squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Reddit user
They cut her hair? I can’t even write what I’m thinking!!!
This has to be a legal issue. Also make it a civil issue. Sue the people who cut it, the kids who watched & didn’t stop it, the teacher, the school!!
Reddit user
NTA. Cutting your daughter’s hair was assault. You should contact the police and press charges. Then contact a lawyer about using the school and the parents.
Reddit user
DO NOT BACK DOWN. Your daughter deserves to feel fought for. She needs to be protected. Further trauma can be detrimental to her health. Do not let this family or the school intimidate, gas light, or manipulate you into backing down. Write to the superintendent, take photos of every mark or action they make on her physical body. If they assault her physically again, (because cutting her hair is physical assault) file a police report with the SRO if there is one. They have had enough chances, this is your baby girl, it has to stop.. If they stop picking on her it will be someone else. These girls need to learn. Pain creates Change.
Reddit user
How to Address Bullying and Advocate for Your Child’s Well-Being
Bullying can have a profound impact on a child’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. When your child is facing persistent harassment, it’s crucial to take proactive steps to address the issue and protect them. Here’s how you can effectively handle bullying situations:
1. Document Every Incident
Keep a detailed record of bullying incidents, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of what happened. Save evidence such as emails, text messages, or photos that corroborate your child’s experience. This documentation will be invaluable when advocating for your child or pursuing legal action.
2. Communicate with the School
Contact your child’s teachers, school counselors, and administrators to report the bullying. Request a meeting to discuss the issue and propose a clear plan for addressing it. Follow up in writing to ensure there’s a documented trail of your concerns and the school’s responses.
3. Know Your Rights
Research your local laws and school policies regarding bullying. Many states and countries have anti-bullying legislation that requires schools to take specific actions to protect students. Understanding your rights can empower you to advocate effectively for your child.
4. Consider Escalation if Necessary
If the school fails to act or the measures taken are insufficient, escalate the issue. This might involve contacting the school district, board of education, or even consulting a lawyer. Pursuing legal action can sometimes be the only way to ensure accountability and meaningful change.
5. Support Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being
Bullying can deeply affect a child’s mental health. Encourage open communication so they feel safe sharing their feelings and experiences. Consider seeking professional help, such as a therapist or counselor, to provide additional support during this difficult time.
6. Collaborate with Other Parents
If other families are experiencing similar issues, join forces to address the problem collectively. A united group can put more pressure on the school to take action and create a safer environment for all students.
7. Advocate for Long-Term Solutions
Beyond addressing the immediate issue, advocate for broader anti-bullying initiatives within the school. This could include workshops, training for staff, and peer education programs to create a culture of respect and inclusivity.
By taking these steps, parents can protect their children from harm, hold schools accountable, and foster a safer environment where every student can thrive.
