AITA for telling my husband’s kids how broke he was when we met after they insinuated I was a golddigger?
Summary:
A 38-year-old woman married to her 52-year-old husband, Rob, has faced tension with his two adult children, Madison (28) and Brett (26), since the beginning of their relationship. Madison recently got engaged and was upset when Rob could only contribute $10,000 to her wedding budget, unaware of the financial struggles he faced due to medical expenses from his late wife’s illness.
When Madison implied that the woman married Rob for financial reasons, calling her a “golddigger,” the woman defended herself, revealing that she earns significantly more than Rob and has been paying off the second mortgage he took to cover past debts. She clarified that her financial support has allowed them to save for Madison’s wedding contribution.
Madison stormed out after the confrontation, later accusing the woman of blaming her late mother for the situation, which was untrue. Rob supported his wife but expressed concern about her sharing his financial details with his children.
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AITA for telling my husband’s kids how broke he was when we met after they insinuated I was a golddigger?
Ive 38F been married to my husband Rob 52M for 4 years now. My husband’s late wife died 1 year before we met and we dated for 2 years before marriage. He has 2 kids 28-Madison and 26-Brett. Note I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad’s wife. I didnt play a part in raising them so Im ok with that. Its always been a tense between us, Ive tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me. Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on so I try not to force anything.
Madison recently got engaged and we are excited about it. Everyone was over recently and she asked about a wedding budget from us and Rob told her he was able to contribute 10k. She has bigger hopes for her wedding than this so she was upset and kept asking for more. Rob however is still working hard on building his savings back up. Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working. Eventually he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower paying one, so this 10k is actually really generous from him.
Rob went to run an errand and it was just me and his kids. Madison then asked me if Im going to give any in addition to what her dad is giving. I told her were a marital unit and thats what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute. She then said “I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give”. I knew she didnt like me but this is the most flat out rude thing she ever said. I kinda lost it and said “excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?”
Truth of the matter is I make more than her father by a large margin, I have no debt, and have been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we’ve been married. The 10k were giving her, is available because Ive been able to subsidize her father’s living expenses the last few years. I made it clear that not only am I not a golddigger, Im literally wealthier than my “older husband”. She called me stuck up after this and stormed out. Then she called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget. I told him what happened and he was mad at her but also said I shouldnt have shared his financial details with his kids.
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA, but you have to know that you’re either stuck up or a gold digger to a child (even an adult one) who has determined to make you a wicked stepmother.
Reddit user
NTA but your husband needs to have stern words with his kids.
If he doesn’t have a word about calling you a gold digger and then spouting lies, you maybe need to consider whether he does actually love and respect you. Perhaps he’s the gold digger!!
Reddit user
NTA. Next time Madison calls you a gold digger, tell her to hold the mirror up to her own face, because asking someone to give more money is an AH move.
Reddit user
I’m going with NTA. You shared his financial situation with his kids, not strangers and as you said, you are a marital unit – his finances are your finances and are therefore yours to share. If your husband doesn’t like you telling people you’ve paid off his debt then he should repay you.
Reddit user
NTA, the kids are grown-ups, and now they need to start adulting. She is lucky she got that offer from her dad, why do these kids act so entitled? UGH.
Reddit user
He’d rather have his kids you are a gold digger than tell them the truth. They aren’t your kids, don’t contribute a dime to the wedding.
Reddit user
Balancing Family Dynamics in Blended Families
Blended families often navigate complex relationships, especially when finances, emotions, and misunderstandings collide. If you’re part of a blended family or facing similar challenges, here are some insights on how to manage these situations with care:
1. Communicate Openly but Respect Boundaries
Open communication is key, but it’s important to balance transparency with privacy. While defending yourself against unfair accusations is understandable, sharing sensitive details—like financial struggles—can lead to unintended consequences.
2. Build Relationships with Patience
Stepparent-stepchild relationships often take time to grow, particularly if the parent’s remarriage follows a loss. Patience, kindness, and consistent effort to connect can help ease tensions, even if progress is slow.
3. Stay Unified as a Couple
When disputes arise involving children from a previous relationship, maintaining a united front with your partner is essential. Discuss boundaries and expectations privately, ensuring both parties feel supported.
4. Set Financial Expectations Early
Wedding budgets and other significant financial discussions can be sensitive topics. Clearly setting expectations about contributions—and explaining any constraints—can prevent misunderstandings and unrealistic demands.
5. Address Misunderstandings Promptly
If accusations or false claims arise, address them calmly but firmly. Miscommunications, especially in emotionally charged situations, can damage relationships if left unresolved.
6. Focus on Empathy and Understanding
While it’s easy to feel defensive when facing hostility, trying to understand the other party’s perspective can help. In this case, the children may still be grieving their late mother and struggling to accept a new family dynamic.
7. Seek Mediation If Needed
If tensions persist or escalate, consider family counseling or mediation. An impartial third party can help navigate difficult conversations and foster better understanding among family members.
Blended families face unique challenges, but with thoughtful communication, empathy, and collaboration, it’s possible to build stronger relationships and resolve conflicts effectively.
