AITA for naming my son the name I had always planned even after my brother and sister in-law “stole” the name?
Summary:
A woman faced backlash from her sister-in-law after naming her son Oisín, a name she and her husband had long planned to use. The name holds special significance as it’s a traditional Irish name, reflecting her husband’s heritage as someone born in Galway, Ireland.
Her sister-in-law, with no Irish connection, unexpectedly named her own son Oisín Miguel two months before the woman gave birth. Despite this, the woman proceeded with her original plan, naming her son Oisín Daniel, as she had always intended.
The sister-in-law accused her of “copying” and demanded she change her son’s name or refer to him by his middle name to avoid confusion. The woman refused, pointing out that in their Hispanic family, it’s common for cousins to share names like Carlos or Camilla.
Her husband’s Irish family found the situation amusing, while her own family saw her sister-in-law’s behavior as unreasonable. The sister-in-law maintains the woman is in the wrong for not altering her plans, but the woman stands firm, believing her choice is justified.
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AITA for naming my son the name I had always planned even after my brother and sister in-law “stole” the name?
My brother and his wife has as much right to name their child whatever they want. I do not own my name. I have no right to dictate to my brother what he names his kid.
With that in mind my husband’s has a traditional family name that I love. Basically since he and I were dating and started discussing our future we agreed that our son would have that name.
Oisín
My husband is Irish. Not in the Boston, my great great great grandfather came over in the 1800s kind of way. In the born in Galway kind of way.
Neither my family or my sister in-law have any other connection to Ireland.
She got pregnant right around when I did and her son was born two months before ours.
They named my nephew Oisín Miguel.
I did get upset or anything.
When my son was born we named him Oisín Daniel. Like I had told her we would be doing.
She has flipped out that two cousins will have the same name. She is nuts because our family is Hispanic and half of our cousins are named Carlos or Camilla.
She is trying to insist we call him by his middle name or change his name. I told her to piss off.
My mom is staying neutral but she was very surprised that my brother gave his son an Irish name he knew I was planning on using. She expected him to name him for our late father.
Anyways my husband’s family thinks the whole thing is hilarious, my family thinks my sister in-law is a weirdo and she thinks I’m an a**e for copying her.
Whatever. I’m posting here and sending her the link so she can see outside opinions.
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA. She FAFO’d by using the name you wanted, expecting you to have to change yours. I love that you didn’t let it faze you, and named your child as intended.
She’ll continue to flip out, and you can just continue to repeat “You knew what we were going to name our child. You chose to use the same name, so you knew this in advance. Your decision is not my problem.”
Reddit user
Your husband’s family is right. So is your family. She doesn’t own the name, and, if she’s going to pretend that Moses had a third tablet saying that people own names, then she’s admitting she was completely in the wrong to give her child a name she knew you wanted to use for yours. She sounds childish and petty. NTA, she is.
Reddit user
NTA. You’re right, anyone can use a name.
That means even after she used a name that meant nothing to her, but so much to you and your hubby, it’s still OK to use that name.
Tell the sis she can piss off. You didn’t get mad when she took the name you planned on using.
My family is similar… We had four John’s, two Rick’s who were cousins around the same age, and most women have some variation of the name Anne.
Reddit user
Short answer: NTA
Long answer: She thought she was going to own the name by claiming it first, even though her reasoning for the name was that you didn’t own it. So she can either call her son Miguel, or put on her big-girl pants and live with the fact that cousins have the same name. It’s been known to happen.
Reddit user
NTA that you didn’t play the role your SIL planned. You were supposed to be really angry and choose a different name for your child.
Husband’s family is right: it’s hilarious!. She’s now stuck her child with a name that has no real meaning for her,, and her attempt at drama has been ignored. Naturally, she’s angry. It’s traditional for the foiled villain to be angry.
And no, you didn’t copy her. You simply went ahead with what you had always openly planned. She’s the one who decided to copy.
Reddit user
Sounds like someone in the family likes to manufacture drama.
NTA
Reddit user
How to Navigate Naming Conflicts Within Families
Choosing a name for your child is a deeply personal decision, often tied to cultural traditions, personal preferences, and family history. However, conflicts can arise when multiple family members gravitate toward the same name. Here’s how to navigate such situations with grace and understanding:
1. Understand Naming Rights Are Shared
No one owns a name. While you might have your heart set on a particular name, others are free to choose it too. In large families or those with strong cultural naming traditions, duplicate names can be inevitable—and even celebrated.
2. Stick to Your Plan
If a name holds deep meaning for you, don’t be deterred by others’ choices. As seen in this story, the name Oisín was chosen to honor a family tradition. Changing it would have been unnecessary and unfair, especially since the intention to use it was clear from the start.
3. Find Humor in the Situation
When two children in the same family share a name, it can lead to some amusing situations. Embrace the lightheartedness of it, and focus on the fact that both children are loved and celebrated, regardless of their shared name.
4. Set Boundaries with Confidence
If someone pressures you to change your child’s name, politely but firmly stand your ground. Explain your reasoning calmly and focus on the positive aspects of your decision. Remember, it’s your child and your choice.
5. Acknowledge Cultural Significance
Names often carry cultural or familial weight. If your choice reflects your heritage or personal story, share that meaning with others. This can foster understanding and demonstrate why the name is so important to you.
6. Communicate with Respect
While it’s tempting to react defensively when criticized, try to maintain respect in your interactions. This helps de-escalate tension and ensures the focus remains on celebrating the new addition to the family.
7. Embrace Your Unique Parenting Journey
Ultimately, your decisions as a parent should reflect your values and dreams for your child. Whether it’s choosing a name, setting boundaries, or navigating family dynamics, prioritize what feels right for your family.
Conflicts over names can be tricky, but by staying true to your intentions while fostering open communication, you can handle these situations gracefully and confidently.
