AITA for demanding that my niece, or her parents, pay me back for the hundreds of dollars of perfume she stole from me?
Summary:
A perfume collector discovered her 17-year-old niece had been stealing and selling decants of her perfumes, totaling hundreds of dollars in value. She presented the niece’s parents with a detailed list of what was taken and requested repayment. The niece’s parents argued that the girl is “just a kid” and paying back the debt would derail her plans to buy a car. The perfume collector remains firm, seeing repayment as an important consequence for the niece’s actions.
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AITA for demanding that my niece, or her parents, pay me back for the hundreds of dollars of perfume she stole from me?
AITA for demanding that my niece, or her parents, pay me back for the hundreds of dollars of perfume she stole from me?
(Note: I’m not involving the police, suing anyone, etc. Please don’t try to argue with me about this or “convince” me why I should.)
I have a perfume collection that I started when I was a teenager slinging burritos as my first job. I have over 400 bottles at this point, I take great pride in my collection, and I use it. I’m also happy to give people decants (samples) of most of my bottles, let them sample a spray or two, give some bottles as gifts, etc.
What I have a HUGE fg issue with is my 17 year old niece coming into my home under the guise of walking my dog, decanting bottles on her own and SELLING THE SAMPLES to her little friends. She thinks that because I have so many bottles, I wouldn’t notice some missing or getting massive dents in them. Well little miss entrepreneur failed to realize that her “private” Instagram wasn’t “friends only” or whatever and I saw each and every fg story with each price and sample she had.
I tallied that s****t up and got a pretty good estimate based on cost per ounce. Thankfully she mostly picked the “Tiktok famous” perfumes like Bianco Latte and Escapade Gourmand and didn’t go for the most rare, niche perfumes. She did snatch an entire 2.5 oz bottle of Baccarat Rouge, though, which runs $300+ at most retailers, as well as full bottles of perfumes you can get at Sephora. Like Marc Jacobs Daisy, Burberry Her Elixir, Flowerbomb, etc.
Petty or not, I printed out the entire list of what she’d taken, price estimate, and handed it off to my sister (her mom). I said that I expect to be paid back, in full. And of course her f**g sneaky little ass is never allowed in my home again. My sister got super pissy with me going on about how my niece is just a kid, kids make mistakes, etc. I said yes, kids make mistakes, and this is a GREAT way for my niece to learn from hers.
Their argument is that now the money she was going to use for a car has to go towards paying me back. I don’t care. She is lucky that I have no interest in involving the police, small claims, or any of that. But AITA, because she IS a teenager?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
She’s “just a kid” who created a successful business enterprise selling stolen property. NTA
FloppyEaredDog
NTA. I can see from the fact that her mom considers a 17-year-old “just a kid,” as if she were a 5-year-old who stole a cookie before dinner, has caused her to act very entitled. She made a series of decisions to steal from you and profit from it. And she’s either “just a kid” when she’s stealing pricey scents, or she’s an almost adult saving up for a car; can’t have it both ways on your dime. You’ll be teaching her a better lesson than her mom bothered to.
umenu
NTA
Note: I’m not involving the police, suing anyone, etc. Please don’t try to argue with me about this or “convince” me why I should.
Understood but your niece is very lucky you are taking this approach.
Their argument is that now the money she was going to use for a car has to go towards paying me back. I don’t care.
Of course it has to go to paying you back. Why would you buy your niece a car. If she didn’t have to pay you back that is what would be happening with extra steps.
Snow-13
Decants from rare vintage perfumes can go for substantial amounts – People make a living off of this. Your niece decided to defraud you hoping she would never get caught.
I think her parent needs to take a hard look at the morals of her child.
bright_copperkettles
NTA. I don’t see how her not having a car is your problem. The money she has for the car is made from selling perfume she stole from you. She’s lucky the consequences are not more serious. I guess she won’t have a car until she figures out legitimate ways to earn money that doesn’t involve stealing.
Dotty_Ford
NTA
Not even sure why you’re asking this, to be honest.
She is lucky that I have no interest in involving the police, small claims, or any of that.
You are aware that if your sister is fine with also torpedoing her relationship with you (since your niece already did), you aren’t getting restitution without getting the law involved?
Neither-Copy785
A mistake would be accidentally knocking over and breaking a bottle.
She had to:
make a plan
find a way into your house
Choose a perfume
put it into a sample bottle
look up prices
set up her Instagram
collect the money
deliver the perfume
repeat
At any one of these points she could and should have realized that what she was doing was wrong and could get her in trouble. The only reason she thought she could do this is because she thought she wouldn’t face any consequences because you are family.
Imagine if she went into a Sephora and stole perfume to sell it. Would her mom still say “oh she’s just a kid”?! Someone who is old enough to think about getting a car and with that level of criminal energy is definitely old and mature enough to fave the consequences of their own actions. She will only escalate from this point on if she gets away with this
whorlando_bloom
Why Accountability Is a Crucial Lesson for Teens
Teenagers are bound to make mistakes; it’s a natural part of growing up. However, how these mistakes are addressed can shape their character and sense of responsibility. In this case, a 17-year-old’s entrepreneurial side led her down a dishonest path: stealing and selling her aunt’s perfume collection without permission. While her parents argue for leniency, the aunt insists on repayment to teach a valuable life lesson.
Here’s why holding teens accountable is essential for their growth—and how to approach these situations effectively.
1. Mistakes Are Opportunities for Growth
It’s tempting to brush off a teen’s actions with the rationale that “kids will be kids.” However, enabling behavior without consequences doesn’t help them grow. Instead, mistakes should be seen as opportunities for learning.
In this scenario, the niece’s actions weren’t accidental; they were premeditated. From taking the perfume to selling it online, she made a series of decisions knowing they were wrong. Requiring her to repay the value of what she took reinforces accountability, a lesson that will serve her well into adulthood.
2. Actions Have Real-World Consequences
While the niece’s parents argue that using her car savings to repay her aunt is harsh, it reflects an important reality: actions have consequences. If she were caught by law enforcement, the repercussions could be far more severe, including a criminal record that might affect her future opportunities.
By addressing the issue within the family and requiring repayment, the aunt is providing a controlled environment for the niece to face the impact of her choices without long-term damage.
3. Accountability Builds Trust
Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and it’s especially critical within families. When the niece violated her aunt’s trust by stealing, she damaged their bond. Taking responsibility by paying back what was taken can be a step toward rebuilding that trust.
The aunt’s clear boundaries—banning her niece from entering the home unsupervised—may seem strict, but they’re a natural consequence of broken trust. Over time, demonstrating accountability could help restore the relationship.
4. The Importance of Parental Support
The niece’s parents’ reaction—minimizing the theft and framing repayment as overly punitive—risks sending the wrong message. By downplaying the seriousness of her actions, they may unintentionally reinforce the idea that she can escape consequences.
Instead, parents should support efforts to teach accountability. They might work with their daughter to create a repayment plan, encouraging her to take responsibility while still achieving her goals, such as saving for a car.
5. Teaching Financial Responsibility
A repayment plan doesn’t just address the theft; it’s also an opportunity to teach financial responsibility. The niece could be encouraged to work part-time, cut back on unnecessary expenses, or allocate a portion of her allowance to pay her debt. Learning to manage money and honor commitments is a valuable life skill.
6. Forgiveness Without Forgetting
While accountability is crucial, so is forgiveness. Once the niece has taken steps to make amends, the family can focus on healing. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting; setting boundaries to prevent future issues is entirely reasonable.
Conclusion
Holding teens accountable for their actions may feel harsh in the moment, but it’s one of the most loving things you can do. By teaching responsibility, empathy, and the value of trust, you’re equipping them with tools to navigate adulthood.
In this case, the aunt’s insistence on repayment isn’t about punishment—it’s about providing a meaningful lesson in accountability. With the right support from her parents, the niece can learn from her mistake and emerge as a more responsible, trustworthy young adult.
