Navigating Boundaries: Should You Clean Up a Drunk Family Member?
Family dynamics are often complicated, and when alcohol and emergencies mix, things can get messy—sometimes literally. In a recent AITA post, a brother-in-law found himself in an uncomfortable situation when his sister-in-law got sick after drinking too much. The question arises: Was he wrong for not doing more to clean her up?
The Situation: An Unexpected Crisis
The original poster (OP), a 43-year-old man, and his wife spent an evening drinking and playing games with his sister-in-law (32F). As the night wound down, OP noticed his sister-in-law had been in the bathroom for an unusually long time. Upon checking, he discovered she had passed out on the floor, naked, covered in vomit, and surrounded by bodily fluids.
With his wife unconscious on the couch and his sister-in-law unresponsive, OP cleaned up as much as he could without touching her intimate areas. He used towels to wipe away the mess, made her a makeshift bed, and left her to sleep it off.
The next day, however, the sister-in-law was furious. She felt OP should have bathed her, arguing that as a father and husband, he should have known how to clean her up appropriately.
Why OP Is Not the Ahole**
- Respecting Boundaries:
OP chose not to touch his sister-in-law’s intimate areas while she was unconscious—a decision rooted in respect for her personal boundaries. Even though the situation was dire, it’s reasonable to assume most people would prefer not to be touched in such a vulnerable state. - Potential Misunderstandings:
The context matters. Even with good intentions, handling an unconscious, naked adult could lead to uncomfortable or even legally risky situations if intentions are questioned later. - Reasonable Action:
OP didn’t ignore the situation. He cleaned up what he could, ensured she was comfortable, and prevented further harm by propping her head up and using towels to keep her warm.
When Should You Step In Further?
While OP’s actions were reasonable, there are circumstances where more intervention might be necessary:
- Medical Emergencies: If someone is unresponsive or showing signs of alcohol poisoning, call emergency services immediately. Never assume they’ll “sleep it off.”
- Available Help: If OP’s wife had been awake, she might have been able to step in and assist with more personal care.
- Clear Permission: If the sister-in-law had explicitly requested help beforehand, OP could have acted accordingly.
The Sister-in-Law’s Perspective
From the sister-in-law’s point of view, waking up in such a state may have felt humiliating and uncomfortable. Her anger might stem from embarrassment or a misplaced belief that OP’s decision was rooted in negligence rather than respect for her privacy.
However, it’s crucial to recognize that this is a highly sensitive situation, and her expectations for OP to bathe her may not align with social norms or his comfort level.
The Verdict: NTA (Not the Ahole)**
OP acted with caution, respect, and practicality in an awkward and challenging scenario. While the sister-in-law may feel let down, her anger seems more rooted in her own discomfort than in any wrongdoing by OP.
This situation highlights an essential lesson: In emergencies, doing what you can while respecting personal boundaries is often the best course of action.
What would you have done in OP’s situation? Do you think he should have gone further, or did he handle it appropriately? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
