AITA for not ordering any food so I wouldn’t have to split the bill?
Summary:
The OP (27M) attended a group dinner with friends, including two habitual moochers, Susan and Greg, who routinely order expensive meals and expect others to split the cost evenly. To avoid subsidizing their expensive orders, OP only ordered a beer and declined food. When the check arrived, OP insisted on paying only for his drinks, leaving the others, particularly Dan, to cover the cost of Susan and Greg’s extravagance. Susan, Greg, and Dan later criticized OP for his actions, but OP felt justified in standing his ground and exposing the unfairness of the situation.
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AITA for not ordering any food so I wouldn’t have to split the bill?
I(27M) have been apart of a small friend group, around 8 people total, basically since college.
For some background, 2 people from the group, Susan and Greg, are just absolute leeches. Going out for lunch? Expect them to order the most expensive on the menu then feed you some sob story about their finances and then dumb half the bill on you.
Last weekend, Dan, one of the people from the group, told me about a casual dinner . I told him how if Susan or Greg were there I wouldn’t be able to come. He tells me that they would be there but I should just put my opinions aside and come just once.
This is kind of where I might be an AH. I agreed with him and told him I would be there. I show up and we all get to talking.
Everyone began putting in their orders, most of them spent about $40. There were only about 6 people there. When it gets to Susan and Greg, they both order expensive dishes, around $200. When it was my turn to order, everyone looked at me, but I just pick up the menu and point to the $4 Miller Lite and sent the waiter away. Dan asked why I hadn’t ordered anything and all I said was that I lost my appetite. The other 2 friends got up as well to cancel their orders and just have drinks.
After the main courses came out, I saw Susan and Greg picking at their food. The waiter then brings over the check. Greg then grabs the waiter and asks him to split the check 6 ways. I stand up and correct him saying the check was to be split 3 ways. Greg looks at me confused and asks why since we “always” split the bill. I reminded him that 3 of us had not eaten any food so we would just be paying for our drinks. So basically at the end of the night, Dan, who probably only ate around $50 worth of food, was stuck with a $146.98 check at the end. (Yes, I remember the exact number.) I swear I saw his jaw drop when he picked that receipt up.
I slid a $10 towards the check, said goodbye everyone, and walked out.
The next morning, I found my phone full of texts from Greg and Susan telling me I was an AH for not ordering any food and forcing them to pay more than they had accounted for. I honestly laughed because the steaks alone were more than what they had paid but to each their own right?
I also got a lot of messages from Dan saying that I could have just not came instead of pulling that stunt and getting him stuck with an outrageous bill.
Edit: At this restaurant, the bar is separate so drinks are on a separate bill if that makes sense. And if anyone is concerned about leaving a tip, I live in Australia.
Edit 2: Hey guys just wanted to clarify some things:
90% of restaurants where I live they don’t do separate checks and might separate the bill for you if you’re lucky. BTW. This post is in AUD, so if you want the amounts in USD, you have to convert it.
Dan could have easily asked Greg and Susan to transfer him the money if he wanted but he’s always been about helping them through their “financial hardship” even though they’re just using him and keeps dragging me into it. I admit what I did was immature but I’m tired of being forced to play along. It’s his money and if he wants to spend it on them, that’s fine, but I’m not paying for them.
Also Dan’s a really good friend of mine, albeit blind AF. I was just trying to get him to see what kind of people he was “helping”. I will admit it was a tad bit petty.
Thank you for the gold.
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA
Is it not possible to ask the waiter for separate checks—i.e., everyone gets their own check for what they ordered—ahead of time? While some people think this is a little tacky, it’s not anywhere near as tacky as ordering a meal that costs five times as much as anyone else’s, and expecting them to cover it.
Reddit user
Even if you were actually not hungry, I would still say NTA. They clearly premeditated this whole event and expected others to take the financial fall for their lifestyle. Hope Dan opens his eyes, but right now, they seem superglued shut. Good for you though.
Reddit user
NTA. I thought what you did was brilliant. You started by saying you would not attend if the leeches were there, your friend Dan wanted you to come anyway, so you did, but on your own terms. The moment you ordered only a beer, that was a signal that every adult at the restaurant should have recognized—especially because the bar bill is separate from the food—that you were not eating, two others were not eating, thus obviously not splitting a bill for dinner. I bet Dan will not be so quick to include Susan and Greg again.
Reddit user
NTA
“The next morning, I found my phone full of texts from Greg and Susan telling me I was an AH for not ordering any food and forcing them to pay more than they had accounted for.”
Dan was the one who told you to put your opinions aside & just come, right?
Well handled. Your friends must’ve thought so too because they followed suit.
Dan got caught out. What I’m wondering though is why any of you continue socializing/being friends with people who not only constantly leech off you but openly admit to doing so.
Reddit user
I should just put my opinions aside and come just once.
I could have just not came instead of pulling that stunt and getting him stuck with an outrageous bill.
Dan needs to make up his mind lol. What he means is, you should have come and paid for Susan and Greg’s food even though you were clear from the jump that you wouldn’t. NTA but time to stop hanging out with these people.
Reddit user
NTA. People saying YOU stuck Dan with a big bill are probably just like these two users ordering outside of their means. I had friends that did this when I was in college, working 2 jobs, technically 3, just to scrape by. I was living on ramen but they would insist I go out. I’d get a free glass of water and nothing else. I sometimes could’ve ordered the cheapest thing, but they always split the check for both food and drinks and tip (America so asking to separate the checks is normal and done at many places here). So I just refused to partake. They complained after a couple times and I was like hey you all know I’m broke so is it my company you’re wanting or what little money I have?? I no longer talk to any of them. IF you go to the next outing, call them out. Ask if they have enough to fully cover what they’re gonna order and if not to please order something else
Reddit user
NTA
My only quibble with this is you could have ordered an Aussie beer instead of an American beer. Is a Coopers not good enough for you? ;D
But I don’t drink beer so what the hell do I know. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Reddit user
Wait, Dan knows how these people are, talked you into coming even though you didn’t want to, and then got mad when he got stuck with the big tab?
Is Dan an idiot?
You are NTA
Reddit user
INFO: Why hasn’t anyone tried telling Greg and Susan that they repeatedly order expensive meals and make everyone pay for it? Why not confront the freeloaders? How many times has this happened?
Reddit user
Splitting the Bill: Fairness, Boundaries, and Navigating Group Dynamics
Dining out with friends can be a joyous occasion—but when it comes to splitting the bill, things can quickly sour if expectations aren’t aligned. The story of OP and their small friend group highlights an all-too-common dilemma: how to handle uneven contributions without causing conflict.
1. The Problem with “Always Splitting Evenly”
Group dynamics often dictate how bills are split, but an “always split evenly” rule becomes problematic when some consistently overindulge at others’ expense. Susan and Greg exemplify this issue by ordering the most expensive dishes while contributing only a fraction of the cost, exploiting their friends’ goodwill.
This practice not only strains friendships but also sets a precedent where generosity is taken for granted.
2. Setting Boundaries
OP’s decision to attend the dinner but avoid ordering food was a form of boundary-setting. By paying only for his drink, he demonstrated he wouldn’t participate in an unfair system. While unconventional, it was a clear message that he was done subsidizing others’ extravagance.
Boundaries are crucial in friendships, especially when one party feels taken advantage of. If Susan and Greg genuinely valued the friendship, they might have reconsidered their behavior instead of resorting to guilt-tripping.
3. Dan’s Role as an Enabler
Dan, who encouraged OP to attend despite knowing his objections, bears responsibility for the situation. By continuing to tolerate Susan and Greg’s behavior, Dan indirectly enables it. His criticism of OP for “pulling a stunt” ignores the fact that he willingly allowed himself to be stuck with the bill.
True friends should support each other in standing up against exploitation, not chastise them for refusing to play along.
4. The Question of Etiquette
While OP’s approach may seem confrontational, it’s worth noting that directness is sometimes necessary to address recurring issues. Had OP quietly paid for more than his share, the cycle of unfairness would have continued unchecked.
Clear communication about splitting bills—before orders are placed—can prevent misunderstandings. For instance, agreeing to pay individually or setting a cap on contributions can resolve such disputes.
5. When Generosity Becomes a One-Way Street
Friendships should be built on mutual respect and reciprocity. Generosity is commendable, but when it’s exploited, resentment inevitably follows. OP’s actions may have been petty, but they underscored a larger issue: Susan and Greg’s lack of accountability and respect for their friends’ finances.
By refusing to subsidize their behavior, OP encouraged the group to re-evaluate the fairness of their social dynamics.
Conclusion
OP is not the a-hole for refusing to order food and paying only for his drink. His actions, while unorthodox, highlighted the unfairness of Susan and Greg’s behavior and forced the group to confront an ongoing problem.
Moving forward, this group could benefit from clear discussions about financial expectations and a more equitable approach to splitting bills. After all, friendships thrive on trust, respect, and fairness—values that should extend to every shared meal.
