AITA for telling my parents I didn’t have a kid, they did, and they need to take care of her not me?
Summary:
OP (15F) was raised by parents who resented having her at a young age and treated her with neglect and emotional disregard. When her parents had a second child, they showered the new baby with love and attention while ignoring OP further. Now, they expect OP to babysit her sibling weekly while they attend fertility treatments, claiming she owes them for what they’ve done for her. OP refused, asserting that parenting her sister is their responsibility, not hers.
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AITA for telling my parents I didn’t have a kid, they did, and they need to take care of her not me?
My parents had me (15f) when they were 18 and 19. They always made it so obvious they resented being parents so young and added to that they never tried to be good parents. I typically spend most of my time at friends houses. I don’t have extended family to rely on, they disowned my parents for having me so young, so friends houses were a positive in my life that made me feel more comfortable than being at home with my parents.
My parents never did the typical parent stuff like helping with homework or showing up to support me at school. I don’t think they ever attended a parents conference for me. They ignored a lot of stuff I needed to get signed and I’d have to get right in their face on the last day to get signatures. My birthday and Christmas have never been a big deal or celebration. They do celebrate their wedding anniversary but that’s a them thing.
When they told me two years ago they were expecting a baby it really surprised me but then it hurt because sometimes they said stuff that made me feel like I didn’t exist. Like how they were SO excited to have a baby and how they couldn’t wait to be parents. A friend of my mom’s did remind her of me but then she and dad said I was basically the too early practice run and this was the real deal. When my sister was born they were so attentive to her that I ceased to exist completely. I got sick and my school was trying to call someone to pick me up early but they ignored the calls and when I got home they had taken the baby out for a family day. When they got home they hadn’t even realized the school called because they turned off their phones to “enjoy family time”.
My mom quit her job a month after my sister was born. She wants to be a SAHM and she and dad want at least one more kid. My dad leaves work early on Fridays so he can spend more time with the family (mom and sister). My parents tried to have another kid for over a year and mom isn’t pregnant yet so they’re jumping to fertility treatments. They told me I need to watch my sister for a few hours every week while they attend those appointments and they gave me this detailed list of stuff she needs and what I’m going to do with her. I told them I won’t and that they had her so they need to take care of her because she’s not my kid. My parents told me it’s a few hours a week and not a huge deal. Dad told me I need to look at it as paying back all they did for me. I said no and told them they don’t give a c****p about me so why would I want to help them.
AITA?
Let’s explore how Reddit reacted:
NTA, and if they leave, call the cops on them for abandonment.
Reddit user
NTA. You didn’t ask to be born. They could have given you up for adoption as it seems your grandparents didn’t care. You owe them NOTHING except respect, as in behave yourself. You are not your sisters keeper, let mom and dad deal with it. I wish that there was someone you could turn to and get out. Study hard. Get a good job, go to trade school, college or the military when you are old enough. I wish you the best of luck
Reddit user
NTA
“Dad told me I need to look at it as paying back all they did for me. I said no and told them they don’t give a crap about me so why would I want to help them.”
Your answer was perfect and the fact they called you their ‘trial run’ was honestly disgusting. While I would caution you not to take this out on your sister, you owe them absolutely nothing
Reddit user
NTA – Neglecting to pick you up when you are sick and calling your life a “practice run” is such a horrible thing to get from your parents, and I’m sorry they have neglected you.
Reddit user
NTA
My parents told me it’s… not a huge deal.
Yeah, well, neither is learning to be satisfied with the children you already have.
Reddit user
Tell them you’ll do it if they can name your favorite food, favorite color, and best friend. When they can’t, tell them you’ll be giving their baby exactly as much attention as they have given to you over the years. Give them that wake-up call. They clearly need it. NTA.
Reddit user
NTA. They clearly just see you as a babysitter and it sounds like they couldn’t even do the bare minimum for you when you were growing up.
Reddit user
Tell them you are paying them back, in the same coin. You are ignoring and refusing to parent their child as they ignored and refused to parent you.
Simple as that.
Reddit user
NTA start planning your escape now. Also tell your teachers or guidance counselor about your home life.
Tell your parents flat out you will abandon your younger sibling and then call the police if they try to force you to babysit. Kid they are already neglecting you and making your life a living hell, what motivation could you possibly have to watch their child? Instead focus on getting certified in a trade or getting into college and getting out of there when you turn 18.
Reddit user
Parentification: When Kids Are Forced to Parent Their Siblings
1. Neglect as a Foundation
From the beginning, OP’s parents failed to provide her with the emotional support and care every child deserves. They skipped the basic parental duties—like attending school events and engaging in her education—and openly expressed regret about having her. When they had a second child, their neglect of OP intensified, highlighting their blatant favoritism.
Neglect isn’t just about what parents fail to do; it’s about the emotional wounds caused by their absence. OP’s parents have consistently communicated, both verbally and through actions, that she is less valued than her sibling. This creates lasting emotional damage and undermines OP’s ability to trust her parents or feel connected to them.
2. The Parentification of OP
Expecting OP to babysit her sibling while they pursue fertility treatments crosses a significant boundary. Babysitting occasionally as a favor to parents is reasonable, but being expected to take on regular caregiving responsibilities—especially in an emotionally fraught environment—is not.
The parents’ justification that OP owes them for “all they’ve done for her” is both manipulative and baseless. Parenting is not a transaction; it’s a responsibility. OP did not choose to be born or to be neglected by them, and their failures as parents do not entitle them to demand labor from her.
3. Favoritism and Emotional Impact
The stark favoritism shown toward OP’s sibling adds another layer of harm. By labeling OP as the “practice run” and ignoring her during moments of need, her parents are reinforcing the idea that she is disposable. This favoritism erodes self-worth and fosters resentment, which OP is already beginning to express.
4. A Child’s Right to Childhood
Children deserve to be children. They should not bear the weight of adult responsibilities or be made to act as substitute parents. OP has every right to refuse the role of unpaid babysitter, especially when her parents have consistently failed her.
Her response—that her sister is their responsibility, not hers—is not only justified but a vital assertion of boundaries. At just 15, OP is taking a mature stance against being forced into a role that isn’t hers to fill.
5. Steps Forward for OP
While OP is clearly not the a-hole, the situation is complex. She’s navigating a deeply unhealthy family dynamic with little to no support system. Here are some steps she can consider:
- Seek Support at School: A trusted teacher, counselor, or mentor can provide guidance and help OP process her emotions.
- Establish Firm Boundaries: OP has already taken a strong stand, but she may need to reiterate her boundaries as her parents continue to pressure her.
- Prepare for Independence: Since her parents are unlikely to change, OP might benefit from focusing on her education and planning for eventual independence.
- Find Emotional Outlets: Therapy, journaling, or talking with close friends can help OP navigate her feelings in a safe space.
Conclusion
OP is not obligated to take on her parents’ responsibilities, especially after years of neglect and favoritism. By standing her ground, she’s asserting her right to a childhood and refusing to perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy family dynamics. Her parents should reflect on their actions and step up to fulfill their parental duties—before they alienate OP entirely.
